went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
