I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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