apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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