He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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