I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
