Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
