if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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