Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
