Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
