Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
