I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
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So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
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If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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