well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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