I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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