I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
