I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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