Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
