1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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