you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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