Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
