Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize