i was rollin on her like bob the builder
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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