Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
