i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
