you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
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I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
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How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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