and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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