I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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