He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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