you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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