Pappa wants mamma naked
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
