He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
