i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize