yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
