I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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