the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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