i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
