I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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