If i could tip my vagina, i would.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
