More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
