Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
