I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize