YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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