I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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