went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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