I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
