I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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