he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
