I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
