Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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