Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize