Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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