I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
