my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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