marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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