tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
