She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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