apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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