So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
