Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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