as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
