I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
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You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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