Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
