pedialite and red bull = repair kit
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
