Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
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Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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