420 ftw
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
